Fallen off the World

Or at least that's what I feel has happened to me in the last couple of weeks. I know I haven't been around "blogland" much and I haven't really been answering my emails either. I have done some knitting and have nearly finished the main body of my Civil War Shawl, but still haven't taken any pix of it.

I feel as if I have just been going through the motions for the last 2 weeks. I've been at work and I've looked after the kids etc, but my head feels full of "cotton wool"! I'm NOT depressed, I'm simply grieving. I'm actually finding it very difficult to write this post but I feel I need to, so that I can move on and get on with my life. (It doesn't help that the screen is all blurry, as I'm looking through tears).

On the 31st of March a person who has been part of my life for the past 45 years died. Helen Smith Dorward (ms Cargill) was my granny and although she hadn't really been "with us" for the past 8 years she was still a part of my life, and every time I went home to see my parents I visited her, even if she didn't know who I was or who my children were. She hadn't been ill and even at 91 years old her death wasn't expected. Her condition rapidly deteriorated over a period of 48 hours, which really took us all by surprise. However we all managed to get to her bedside and spend some time with her on our own and I feel we all got to say goodbye. This has helped me deal with her passing. The strange thing was, that even although she hadn't known my brother and I for the past few years she seemed to know us at the end.

She died peacefully at 13.25 hours on 31st March 2007 surrounded by the people who loved her and being met at the "other side" by people who loved her. It had been nearly 30 years since my grandad had died and I believe he came to meet her that day.

I have found myself, at odd times thinking about her and her life and I can't help thinking that had she been born 20-30 years later, how different her life might have been. She was a character, who knew her own mind and knew what she did and didn't want and because of this she wasn't always easy to live with. She was brought up in a close fishing community, the eldest child of a fisherman, sister of a fisherman, wife of a fisherman and the mother-in-law of a fisherman, thus her life was governed by the sea, and it was a hard life, but now she is at rest.